Ehm, Hai?
Honestly, I don't know how to explain this but let's try.
Well, you actually ever heard this words 'you don't need a reasons to loving someone because if you do, you just in love with the reasons not the person.'
Nah, that's why I don't know how to explain my feeling for him. Yes, Umar. No words can't describe it. No quotes fit about this thing. Not even everything try to guess it.
I don't even understand why I keep holding on for this long. Just a simple I love him and I really mean it.
It's fine huh if I always get a stupid feeling that happened everytime I saw him with someone else even I know they're just his friends. I mean, girls.
It's okay. I know I shouldn't get jealous when I remember I'm not in status with him. But please. You guys ever felt like what I feel everytime you guys see your crush telling jokes or just a simple smile to any girl that isn't you, hm? I swear to God you totally understand what I means.
So, even if I've told you in my previous blog that it's better than in relationship but seriously, you can't handle your feeling to not jealous even you're not his/her girl/boyfriend.
Yes, it's hurts. But what can I do? Screaming that I'm jealous? Whisper that he shouldn't get close to any girl expect me? Oh please, I won't do that. I just want not to see he get away from me by slowly. It'll be much hurt than you keep your jealousy.
When you love someone, you have to accept all the good and bad no matters how hard it is.
Susah lho, jaga perasaan buat gak jealous sementara dalem hati, lo sama sekali gak terima.
Seyakin apapun elo sama perasaan lo ke dia, tetep aja cemburu dateng gak pake mandang.
Have you ever thought that everything always start from you? Like you do a first move. Have you? Because ya, I've just think about it.
But back again. Ketika gue bilang gue sayang Umar. Gue bener-bener paham. Gue bener-bener sayang. Gue pun gak dalam masa main-main yang ketika gue ngucap tiga kata itu tapi gue malah I'm just kidding.
Gak. Gue gak berharap banget bisa balik menyandang status sebagai pacarnya lagi. Gue tau namanya harapan kadang gak sesuai dengan kenyataan. Atau malah gak pernah sesuai dengan kenyataan. Kenyataan itu pahit. Kayak kopi yang hitam pekat dan berampas. Dari mencium aromanya aja udah bisa ditabak rasanya gak akan manis sesuai dengan yang lo mau.
Guys please.. perasaan gak buat dimainin. Gak bisa seenaknya lo terbang-jatuhkan. Ketika sekali aja lo mempermainkan hal semacam itu, remember karma does exist.
Tapi, dengan gue gak berharap bukan berarti gue udah gak sayang. Gue sayang, banget. Banget. Atau bahkan lebih dari sayang banget. But, just one hope I wanna him to understand. Posisi gue sama dia udah enak, udah lebih baik dari yang lalu. Maka dari itu, gue cuma mau dia jaga perasaannya. Sama-sama tau diri buat gak bikin salah satu diantara gue dan dia cemburu. Cuma itu. Yes, I know. Though I don't even know what am I looks like in his eyes then heart but, kalo dia masih nyimpen perasaan buat gue, I just want it for all. That's all.
'Cuz you know,
I love him to the stars, moon, sun, skies then galaxies, and back. To infinity and beyond. Unconditionally and irrovocably in love.
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